He loves me despite my sinning ways. I guess that's the way it goes, though. Jesus loves a fucking project. He loves the sinners more than the rest because they have more to feel guilty about.He loves the sinners so much that all those straight-laced fuckers who arrive at church ahead of me each week are desperate to be sinners. The totally invent sins out of thin fucking air, just so they can feel guilty and get some loving.Like "sins of the mind". What the fuck is that? They want to feel guilty for just coveting someone's ass. Not me. If I'm going to pay the price, the least I'm going to do is have a real, bad-ass, don't-look-at-me-that-way-or-I'll-kick-your-ass sin to atone for.I go to church all the time now, just to embarrass my parents. It's my way of getting back at them for sending me to that camp.Do I sound bitter? Not at all. Nope. I'm just having some fun with it.Oh, the camp? Yeah. That's what you asked about, isn't it, O?I'll smut it up if you want. Let me know. Then you. Bargaining-I would make a deal with the devil to go back in time and stop her affair before it started. But there is not a way to unfuck the guy my wife was with. Maybe therapy? Is there some kind of penance I can do to make this go away? Something she can do to make it all better? Sadly I know deep down even if my wife wore sackcloth's and ashes as atonement I could never forget, or trust her ever again.Guilt-Now that I made the decision why do I feel so shitty? Is it my fault I am breaking up the family, if I had been a better spouse would it have prevented her from fucking some other guy? Why cannot I even consider taking a second chance? I am so trying not to believe I am the bad guy in all this. But the look on my children's faces as I try to explain the "new" normal rips my conscience with remorse.Helplessness-Yes, I know fathers get the short end of the stick in any dissolution of a marriage, more so when children are involved. But the powerlessness you feel as strangers in the.
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